Paper 2 Feedback

I agree with all of the feedback, my focus has to change in order to address the requirements of the paper. Jackson as an icon is different than the man that I focus on in my draft. I plan on finding a few news articles that convey an image and textual information about important aspects of Jackson's life that make him an icon. I am going to focus on several pictures and their relation to text, and how this changed the audiences view of Michael, the good and the bad aspectsof his life. An icon is someone that we will never forget for their accomplishments and their short comings; I need to embrace all sides of MJ.

Post Secret

My post secret is about by puppy, Smoochie. I wish he was a girl so that I could dress him up in bows and dresses; it's bad enough that I call him Princess. My audience is dog lovers, many dog lovers can probably understand how I'm feeling. I used a big dog head as the main focus of the picture, and I applied bows to his head and neck in order to show how badly I want him to dress him up. In the corner I have a picture of some girl putting her finger over her lips, as if I want them to keep this secret a secret. It makes it seem like this is a really serious secret, when really it's just about my dog. I think the design is simple, making it easy for the audience to relate to my feelings.

Peer Review Number 3

I enjoyed this peer review the most out of all of them. I feel like seeing it from a teachers perspective is different than seeing it from a peers perspective. Kole did a really good job of telling me what I could change or what she liked. I have a lot more work to do, as to my statistics and factual information behind the commercials. Kole had a good idea to maybe look at the behind the scenes of the commercial, because while they are selling only the hair coloring product, they make Sarah Jessica Parker and the girls on the cover of the box look really good.  A customer might think that by buying the product she too will be able to look like Sarah Jessica Parker; I know this is unrealistic but you'd be surprised as to who might actually believe this.

Why Are You Buying Your Food from a Tabacco Company?

This ad on adbusters.org is showing the audience that buying cigarettes is not the only way that we enable cigarette companies. All of the foods shown in the ad are products owned by the same man that owns the Marlboro Cigarette Company. This ad is effective because as the nonsmokers in the audience are obviously against cigarettes, but I'm sure they could name at least 3 things they have bought on this list of foods owned by the Marlboro man. It also makes the nonsmoking audience members feel bad, they had no way of knowing that they were enabling Marlboro; this could change their grocery shopping habits.

Seventeen Magazine Advertisment

Seventeen magazine is aimed for an audience of teenage girls, from roughly 15 to 20; that being said it is filled with clothing, make up, pretty girls, cute guys,etc. all to appeal to their young readers. One ad in this magazine is a Neutrogena ad, and this is aiming to show girls that by looking pretty and using Neitrogena products you can change the world. The first piece of text you see is "Making a Difference in the World Is... Pretty Amazing!", underneath this caption ais a photograph of several pretty girls that are shown using specific Neutrogena products such as their face wash, lip gloss, and mascara. Neutrogena is hosting a Seventeen Pretty Amazing contest, which is looking for a girl that can change the world. This ad was shown twice in the first six pages, and I'm sure it is elsewhere in this edition and several other editions of Seventeen Magazine. The girls in this ad are all very pretty, and the ad makes it seem as if it is due to the Neutrogena products, making girls want to go out and buy Nuetrogena products in order to change the world and be beautiful. This ad has ethos for Neutrogena is a very well known company that is advertised everywhere; it also appeals to the readers emotions, for example a young girl who might have low self esteem could see this ad and think that they could be beautiful and change the world just like these six girls shown on the red carpet. At the end of the day, just because you buy Neutrogena products doe not mean that Seveneteen magazine is going to give you a red carpet make over.

Free Writing

First Draft
Dear Mom,
I knwo we just spoke last night, but I thought I'd put my pen and paper to good use and show you that I really am doing things in college. Phone calls are great and everything, but everyone loves getting mail. I have the strangest story to tell you, so sit down. Last night my friends and I decided to go out and have some fun. Being college students, we are naturally careless and free, not considering the consequences to any of our actions; not to mention it was halloween night so we were ready to party!
We went to the local haunted house and the craziest things happened! We were chased by lions, and tigers, and bears! This haunted house was a real haunted house; this was not one of those fake houses that some low life with too much time on their hands decorated with the halloween spirit. No. This was Mrs. Jenkins house. She died in 1945, due to natural causes, so they say. She was a zoo keeper, and she kept lions, tigers, and bears trapped in her basement. All of her kids died in very strange circumstances, one was pushed down a well, the other was chopped up by an ax... to be continued.


Revised Draft

Dear Mommy,
        I know we just spoke last night, but I thought I'd put my pen and paper to good use and show you that college is teaching me more thanhow to party and play beer pong. Phone calls are great and everything, but everyone loves getting mail. I have the strangest story to tell you, so sit down. Last night my friends and I decided to go out and have some fun. Being college students, we are naturally careless and free, not considering the consequences to any of our actions; not to mention it was halloween night so we were ready to party! We went to the local haunted house and the craziest things happened! We were chased by lions, tigers, bears, and an old lady with an ax! This haunted house was a real haunted house; this was not one of those fake houses that some low life with too much time on their hands decorated due to an excess of halloween spirit. No. This was Mrs. Jenkins' house. She died in 1945, due to natural causes, so they say. She was a zoo keeper, and she kept lions, tigers, and bears trapped in her basement; I thought it was odd at first too, but you know people in Tallahassee are odd anyways. All of her kids died in very strange circumstances, one was pushed down a well, the other was chopped up by an ax, needless to say they were all murdered in mysterious ways... to be continued.

1) Do I care about this subject?
I mean I care about telling my mother about my day, and the strange happenings that I endure in this crazy college town.
2) Don't Ramble.
I didn't really even finish, so there's no room for rambling.
3) Keep it simple.
I don't have many complex sentences, sure things are there to fluff it a bit, but what story doesn't have a bit of fluff?
4) Cut.
See revised version.
5) Sound like myself.
I call my mom, mommy still. I should change that.
6) Say what you mean to say.
I was working on getting to the point of the story, what i want to say is not on there yet.
7) Pity the readers.
It is fairly easy to read.

Cinderella

Once upon a time in a college far far away, lived a young college freshman named Cinderella. Cinderella lived in a dorm on campus, and she had two evil roommates; they constantly lock her out of the room, they leave a mess all over the place, they forget to unlock the bathroom. Needless to say, they're very messy and rude,  and have no consideration for Cinderella. One day there was a homecoming dance, and Cinderella desperately wanted to go. As she was getting ready, she noticed that her roommate took her dress. Cinderella was in tears! She was convinced that she could not go to the dance, and she cried in her room. Her RA over heard her crying, and came to see what was wrong. When she heard Cinderella's story, she offered to let her borrow one of her dresses and a pair of shoes. Her RA reminded her that she had to be back by 12:00 am, due to her 8:00 am class the next day.
Cinderella arrives at the dance and meets her prince charming, an upper classmen who plays football and is the homecoming king. Cinderella isn't the only girl after Prince Charimg, all of the other freshmen were competing for his attention. He danced with Cinderella all night. All of a sudden she heard the bell, and she realized that it was 12:00 and she had to run home. CInderella got all the way back to her dorm, and she realized that she forgot her student ID, and her name was worn off so she knew that she would never find it. Prince Charming found the ID, but he couldn't idenitfy her, he only knew what dorm she lived in. For weeks he searched every room in her dorm, until he finally found her! And they lived happily ever after.

Starry Night

Tupac's excerpt is actually written to Van Gogh, but group 2 (the best group ever) noticed that it could have been written about God. The painting looks like it is from the perspective of a deity, in the poem Tupac addresses Van Gogh but it could easily be conveyed as from God, rather than Van Gogh. From lines 11 and 12 "So on that starry night you gave to us and you took away from us", the main point of the poem is that Van Gogh was never appreciated until his death.

You don't know what you've got until it's gone.

Visual/Textual Interaction: Peer Review

My paper is going to be about the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, and how his music and charities conveyed an image to the public that was never really emphasized before. MJ changed many racial barriers with his music, he changed MTV drastically, and he gave more money to charaties than any other celebrity has. I picked Michael Jackson because his music changed the world, and his actions as a celebrity deviated from many celebrities of his time, and ours. I plan on going in a sort of chronological order, and taking specific incidents in his life and showing how that impacted the culture. I also plan on analyzing a photo and a couple quotes from him that convey his message of change and giving back to the community. Kole, my peer asked me what exactly I planned on analyzing, and I want to analyze his message and his values as a black, male artist who was crucially criticized by the public, and why giving back to the community was so important to him. The message that MJ gives me is probably different than what he portrays to others, but he did a lot of good things in his life and it has impacted todays culture.

Awkward Family Photos

In this picture it seems that two grandkids are playing with at their grandparents house. The caption on the picture was 'Grandpa never picked favorites.' The grandpa is holding on of his grandchildren, she is sitting in his lap holding a baby doll. The other grandchild is being tripped by the grandfather. The boy looks younger than the gilr does.
This photograph is funny to me because not only is the grandfather tripping one of the children, he just look slike he really isnt concerned. He isn't even focused on the little boy. The grandpa and the little gilr look so happy and content, while the little boy is about to fall over face first. It seems as if this was just a candid photo.
The caption makes it seem like this is a long story, the little boy could see this as 'I'm not grandpa's favorite', which probably goes back to other instances when the boy was treated unfairly.
As a grand daughter I understand what it is like to think that one of my grandparents may favor my sister over me. Thats why I was interested in this photo. I would secretly love if I was the favorite grandchild.

Introductions and Conclusions

My Introduction:
I hate my introdcution. I am really bad at getting and keeping the readers attention when starting a paper. I really do not have an effective audience grabber, which is something I need to work on. I start my introdcution by making a general claim about the norms and taboos of my culture, but instead I should relate these norms and taboos to a personal or hypothetical story. I have a thesis statement, which isn't exactly necessary for this type of paper, but I think it gives the reader an idea of what I am going to address, and therefore it helps them understand what kind of mind frame to be in when readin gmy paper. My paper is progressional in that I tell a story of how my tatse i nmovies have changed and how that has changed my idea of love and relationships. My introduction works with my progressional style paper, but it just does not get the readers attention.
My Conclusion:
I really like my conclusion, I think that it gives a good summary as to what all my main points in my paper were, and I think it also makes the reader think about their idea of relationships and love and how they really are not fairytales. My last sentence is my favorite sentence in the entire paper, for it concludes everything that the paper is trying to say. While my stance on media changed from the beginning to the end of the paper, my tone does not change too much, which I think makes my conclusion even more effective. I believe that the 'so what' part of my paper is answered, the reader gets to reflect on how their idea of love has changed with time. Overall my conclusion is effective, in my opinion, and it summarizes the paper well.

Peer Review Session

My peer review session went great. I got good and bad feedback, in order to help me create the best paper that I can. While my paper is FAR from perfect, she did mention that my organization was solid, this is something that I will keep the same. Organization is important to me, so I tend yo put emphasis on it when I'm writing. My draft falls short in several aspects, however. Analysis in some sections could be more exsistant, my persona stories and how I have changed have to be expanded. This personal narrative is not so personal, yet. Apparently my paper is funny, but the funny parts are minimal. An expansion of that would also help my reader stay interested in my paper. My main focus right now is getting the audience hooked, the beginning of my story is a bit of a bore.
Overall, my paper is well developed, it just needs some critical thinking added in.

Paper Feedback

Paper Feedback:
My analysis of the first main point and my last main point are solid, the middle is a little blurry, though. I definitely need to work on the analysis as to how my view of the world changed as my taste in movies changed as a middle shcooler. I just need to disect my midle school years, refresh my memory as to what Lizzie McGuire had to do with who I am today. My introduction is a little "disjointed", I need to find a way to get my thesis across in an organized manner, and actually talk about all the points in my thesis. For exmaple, Glee. I never actually mention Glee in the body of my paper, even though it really has changed my view of myself and the world. The introduction of Gkee will take my paper to a new undiscussed area. Also, another BIG problem is my personal view rather than a global view, this is the forst paper I've really written in regards to how something has changed me personally, rather than how it has changed the world as a whole. Personal reflection is the key to writing this paper successfully.

Joan Didion's "John Wayne: A Love Song"

Didion's Infatuation with John Wayne:
John Wayne influenced Didion's life in that her view of gender roles effected her relationships. Didion refers to a quote by John Wayne where he tells his 'lady' that he would build her a house 'at the bend in the river where the cottonwood grows.' This statement not only played a role in Didion's satisfaction in her relationships, but it also began her infatuation with John Wayne. Wayne's film portray that a man should go out and fight for his girl, he should also show other men that he can defeat anyone that has caused trouble for him in the past. Didion looks for this in her own man, and she expects him to build her a house at the bend in the river where the cottonwood grows.

Profound Impact on my Life:
Love stories are folk tales, they have been around since the earliest days on mankind, they have been passed from generation to generation, changing with the patterns and morals of the world. When I was young, as when most girls were young, my parents inflicted upon me the tragic Disney Movie. These love stories throughout Disney Movies have shaped the way the population sees 'love'.

My Idea of my Writing:
I'm not especially good at writing, but I am good at critically thinking about things which usually helps develop my ideas. I like writing about prompts, rather than impromptu writing. I also like analyzing important aspects of a story, poem, any prose, etc. I do not like creative writing, for I am not insanely imaginative. But overall, I answer my thesis statement and I care about organization in my writing.

My Writing Process:
I love outlines! I feel that outlines are essentially everyone's first draft, an outline can be anything in your head or written down on a piece of paper. Brainstorming is the only way to start a piece of writing. The writing process changes according to what kind of writing is being done. A persuasive essay is done much differently than a creative piece of prose. Having an argument is the key to a persuasive paper, where as a creative writing piece is more about getting to the climax and resolution of the story. The most important thing that I consider before writing anything is how I am going to keep the audience interested. Detailed outlines help you get your point across without having to form premature ideas as to how your piece might actually turn out. I make an outline for any thing that I plan on writing.

Metaphor for my Writing:
My writing is a trip to the grocery store. I start with a list of items that I need to get and I do not leave until everything on my list is in my buggy. Every time i go to the grocery store there a couple things that I always have to get, milk, bread, etc. It is the same with my writing, in every essay there are the same objectives i.e., critical thinking, a thesis statement, etc. Every thing on my list is always checked off.