Free Writing

First Draft
Dear Mom,
I knwo we just spoke last night, but I thought I'd put my pen and paper to good use and show you that I really am doing things in college. Phone calls are great and everything, but everyone loves getting mail. I have the strangest story to tell you, so sit down. Last night my friends and I decided to go out and have some fun. Being college students, we are naturally careless and free, not considering the consequences to any of our actions; not to mention it was halloween night so we were ready to party!
We went to the local haunted house and the craziest things happened! We were chased by lions, and tigers, and bears! This haunted house was a real haunted house; this was not one of those fake houses that some low life with too much time on their hands decorated with the halloween spirit. No. This was Mrs. Jenkins house. She died in 1945, due to natural causes, so they say. She was a zoo keeper, and she kept lions, tigers, and bears trapped in her basement. All of her kids died in very strange circumstances, one was pushed down a well, the other was chopped up by an ax... to be continued.


Revised Draft

Dear Mommy,
        I know we just spoke last night, but I thought I'd put my pen and paper to good use and show you that college is teaching me more thanhow to party and play beer pong. Phone calls are great and everything, but everyone loves getting mail. I have the strangest story to tell you, so sit down. Last night my friends and I decided to go out and have some fun. Being college students, we are naturally careless and free, not considering the consequences to any of our actions; not to mention it was halloween night so we were ready to party! We went to the local haunted house and the craziest things happened! We were chased by lions, tigers, bears, and an old lady with an ax! This haunted house was a real haunted house; this was not one of those fake houses that some low life with too much time on their hands decorated due to an excess of halloween spirit. No. This was Mrs. Jenkins' house. She died in 1945, due to natural causes, so they say. She was a zoo keeper, and she kept lions, tigers, and bears trapped in her basement; I thought it was odd at first too, but you know people in Tallahassee are odd anyways. All of her kids died in very strange circumstances, one was pushed down a well, the other was chopped up by an ax, needless to say they were all murdered in mysterious ways... to be continued.

1) Do I care about this subject?
I mean I care about telling my mother about my day, and the strange happenings that I endure in this crazy college town.
2) Don't Ramble.
I didn't really even finish, so there's no room for rambling.
3) Keep it simple.
I don't have many complex sentences, sure things are there to fluff it a bit, but what story doesn't have a bit of fluff?
4) Cut.
See revised version.
5) Sound like myself.
I call my mom, mommy still. I should change that.
6) Say what you mean to say.
I was working on getting to the point of the story, what i want to say is not on there yet.
7) Pity the readers.
It is fairly easy to read.